My good friend Sarah wrote this for me a several years back. I’ve updated it where it was needed, but kept it true to its original form. Thank you so much, Sarah!
Mark Twain once said, “Get your facts first, then you can distort them as much as you please.” I do not know what that quote has to do with Paul, but I liked it. And it is easier to sound intelligent by starting everything with a quote. So there you have it. Paul was born on September 24 in Murphy, North Carolina. Some say it was a dark, rainy night filled with mystery, but I have no evidence to back that up, so feel free to use your imagination. Paul spent his childhood on a North Carolina farm, “New Life Farm,” complete with loving family (mother, father, 2 sisters, 3 brothers, and 30+ foster children) and plenty of groovy animals, such as chickens, pigs, goats, and cows. Quite possibly the most important event Paul helped with on the family farm was providing me (and many other people, I do believe) with my Christmas tree each year. As a child, Paul loved Legos®. Something tells me he stills does, but won’t admit it.
Paul’s family eventually moved over to Hiawassee, Georgia where Paul attended the amazingly horribly landscaped Towns County Comprehensive School . In third grade, Paul learned many important things, like multiplication and fine-tuning his cursive. But most importantly, he was good at origami and giving flying stars to people. Paul was always a bit shy, up until high school. He knew he wasn’t going to make it being shy, so he grew out his hair and got some clear contacts. Paul has always been one to make good decisions, just like if you gave him a choice between an apple or an orange, he will most likely gladly accept the orange and ask you what the difference between it is.
Paul realized what he was meant to do with the realization of Amipow Inc. Even though Paul has not a clue how many rolls of toilet paper he uses in four months, he knows that quality TP is what the world really needs now in the midst of war and hunger and corruption. A sincere fan of cuddling, Paul cares not for the rumors of Q-Tips being bad for you and fully endorses them. Being the creative type and super-duper smart, Paul is a wiz with a computer. He showed the world (or, at least Towns County) how awesome he was by creating an amazing video for his high school graduation, among a slew of other accomplishments. Paul now attends Kennesaw State University, and works for the Hiawassee Police Department where he is the hottest man in uniform.
Paul loves his family very much and is a super friend to just about everyone, with the exception of Saddam, Hitler, and Britney Spears. He is not friends with them. His love for music is “overshadowed by few other things” and would be overjoyed if his life was set to music, just like a movie. Even though black is not really a color, Paul says it is probably his favorite. He even likes his coffee black. He is not a fan of the word “fink” and after dominating the world, he looks forward to retiring to a simple life with his wife and children in the mountains of northeast Georgia.
About Amipow Incorporated
The name “Amipow” came about in 1998. Some of my classmates pronounced my name “Pow” and the soccer team started calling me that as well. I would introduce myself saying, “I am Pow.” The screen name “iampow” was already taken on AIM, so I decided to go with “amipow.” That was the beginning of it all.
As Sarah mentions above, Amipow Incorporated is my brain-child. During my senior year of high school I had a lot of free time, so I decided to take over the world. I knew that the only way I could control the world would be to contol something that everyone needed. After brain storming one night I decided on toilet paper. I thought, if I can only take control of the world’s supply of toilet paper, I can take control of the world. I shared the idea with Sarah, and she immediately joined the team. Amipow Incorporated was born.
After several years of doing nothing, Amipow Incorporated came to a startling realization: we don’t actually do anything. It was at that point that Amipow Incorporated abandoned the idea of making toilet paper and adopted the idea of improving toilet paper; hence the new slogan, “We don’t make the toilet paper you use. We make the toilet paper you use better.” We look forward to serving you now, because one day you will be serving us.